For the first time ever (I think...) on the posts on this blog, I give you an entry from the wonderful, wacky world of Warhammer. And boy, are these guys almost totally rubbish!
To be fair, the deranged loons who take up the spinning, metal ball of doom, otherwise known as Night Goblin Fanatics, might be considered rather less cruddy than the rest of the Night Goblin troops I field alongside them, but it is only by pure luck that they ever really achieve anything.
For the uninitiated, these guys hide within a basic unit of Night Goblin troops until something or other from the opposing force comes within 8 inches of the unit. Then, with a heave and a shove, the Night Goblins forcibly eject these fellows from their ranks and launch then at the enemy that has encroached within the magic 8 inch range. Each Fanatic throws 2d6 for movement, in inches, so, if I throw 8 or more on the dice, I can attack the nearby enemy!
The problem is fivefold:
- Rolling 8+ on 2d6 requires my dice rolling to be above average...never likely, as those who know me would probably testify.
- The enemy unit can be anything and is most likely to be the worse sort of peasant rabble who I basically would not want to waste my Fanatics against, but I have to launch them anyway if they get within 8 inches.
- After managing to roll 8 or more, I am then required to roll high on 1d6 to see how many hits I get against the enemy. The chances of me rolling good dice twice in succession are even less than rolling one set of good dice...
- Having done that, I then have to roll more dice to wound the enemy, who may also get to roll armour saves in response, thereby minimising any damage I cause.
- Once the Fanatics have moved and hit anything, they move randomly in future turns. This means more d6 rolls, but also a scatter dice to determine direction. I have not kept accurate count, but I reckon I have killed far more of my own troops than any enemy as the Fanatics have a habit of turning round and coming straight back!!!
But it would be remiss of me not to mention the singular success these guys have had.
An Elf Lord on a dragon decided to plough through a lone Fanatic in order to contact the Night Goblin unit behind and scare the bejaysus out of them, no doubt munching a couple of dozen of the hapless greenskins in the process and routing the rest. Cue a most uncharacteristic bout of dice rolling by yours truly and said Elf Lord hit the dirt with as much of as thump as his puny, elven frame allowed, as dead as a dead thing. The dragon then stood there glowering for a turn before flying off to bother me no more. RESULT!!!
I think that is the only game I have ever won with an army composed mostly, if not entirely, of Night Goblins...
To add insult to injury, I have nine of these fellows and, mad, crazy deluded fool that I am, I like to use all of them simply because I have them. Will I ever learn?
To break up the monotony of black which these guys wear, I have divided my army up into little cults. The Fanatics each have a purple and white hood to show their allegiance to mayhem, each hood with a different pattern. My Squig Hoppers*** have yellow patterns on their hoods, etc, etc.
I do like a bit of variety after all.
***Squigs are spherical bundles of muscle and teeth the Night Goblins breed and use as cavalry mounts. They are marginally more predictable than Fanatics...
|This trio of tat, like all my Night Goblins, are Games Workshop figures. Some are so old they are metal!!!|
|Inane grin, big ball and chain...must be a Fanatic!|
|Almost out of control...|
|Example hood pattern number 1...|